


Validity

by hazellepotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Cuddling, Declarations Of Love, Diagon Alley, Draco pov, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Muggle London, New Relationship, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-War, Pride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24708250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazellepotter/pseuds/hazellepotter
Summary: He didn't want what other people wanted out of relationships. He always knew that; he never understood the need for sex or touching at all. Why wasn't a connection through the mind enough? Why were there so many expectations? It was stressful and never left his mind.
Relationships: Luna Lovegood/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 11
Kudos: 58





	Validity

They developed an unlikely friendship after the war. Draco remembered the first time he caught sight of her again. Her long blonde hair was in beachy waves, and they were blowing in the breeze as she walked down Diagon Alley. Her arm was looped through Ginny's, and they were laughing about something Ginny had probably said. She seemed completely at ease, and in that moment, Draco was envious. 

He wanted a best friend like that; he wanted to feel completely at peace now that the war was over.. but it seemed impossible. _Could he ever be happy?_ He wasn't sure. He felt like there were many things wrong with him. 

He didn't want what other people wanted out of relationships. He always knew that; he never understood the need for sex or touching at all. Why wasn't a connection through the mind enough? _Why were there so many expectations?_ It was stressful and never left his mind. 

He tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as Luna glanced in his direction. He wasn't sure why he was feeling them anyway; he never paid attention to her before. But there was something in her eyes that day, and he was shocked when she smiled in his direction. 

Draco felt a lump form in his throat as Luna told Ginny she would join her in Flourish and Blotts in a minute. Ginny didn't even question her friend wandering off on her own, but he knew if Ginny knew Luna was about to approach him, she would be questioning everything.

"Draco? How are you doing?" Luna had asked.

Her voice was airy and distant like he remembered, but her eyes were filled with warmth. He didn't know it was possible to be so disconnected from the world and so connected to it at the same time.

"I-I'm fine," he answered cautiously, "Why did you come and see how I was?"

He watched as her left brow perked up, then a soft smile spread across her lips, "I have never hated you Draco, even when the rest of the world claimed I should have. The war is over now, so why do things have to stay like they were at school?"

Draco wasn't sure how to respond. His mouth was dry, and the lump in his throat was still there. He tried to swallow before responding to her, but before he could get a word in edgewise, Ginny popped her head out of the shop. She looked shocked at first, but she tried everything she could to avoid Draco's gaze.

"Luna, are you coming?" Ginny asked her. He was surprised she didn't sneak a glare in his direction. Instead, he was invisible. Draco preferred it that way.

"Yes," Luna answered, "I'll be there in a moment."

Draco watched as Ginny hesitated at the door frame of the shop. He could see she was debating if she should come grab Luna or not, but he watched as Ginny decided to give them a minute and go back into the shop without a word.

Draco sighed from relief. He looked down into Luna's eyes again that were still as warm as ever. 

"I'll see you around, Draco," she told him, "And be expecting my owl."

Before Draco could even try and resist for his own emotional protection, she turned around and literally skipped back into the shop to meet Ginny. Her beachy waves whipped back and forth as she did so, and they were the last thing he saw before he apparated away from Diagon Alley and back to Malfoy Manor. 

He wondered what it was like to live life with that much happiness in your heart. 

* * *

After that day, Draco received an owl from her three days later. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been waiting at his bedroom window for it that entire time unless he had to use the restroom, get food, or go shower. 

He knew he was pathetic, but he was so lonely. He knew this would end up with him being alone anyway, but he could at least hope he could have someone.. just for a little while. He wanted some normalcy after all that had happened, even if it couldn't last. But he was still so unsure of what he truly wanted. Was he even lovable after everything? _Had he ever been?_

Her letter to him was short and sweet. She wanted him to meet her at a muggle park in London. It seemed like a random request, but he didn't mind getting away from the wizarding world. Sometimes it was the only thing that allowed him to breathe.

They met that day and talked on the bench for hours. He wanted to hold her hand, but he was afraid. _What would that mean? How would she react?_

That continued on for months as they continued to meet, and every time, Draco started to fall more and more in love with her. It even got to a point to where he thought he could have sex with her after-all. Maybe he was just afraid before. He felt something there, but he knew it wasn't what most people described. Did that mean it was wrong? What if she expected what everyone else wanted? He knew he would have to do it soon anyway for their relationship to be considered valid. No one knew about them yet, but when the world did know, if they ever did, he wanted them to be accepted. That's all he ever craved: **acceptance.**

They were at Luna's flat six months after their first date. They were cuddling on the couch, and he looked down to see her eyes were closed as her head laid on his chest. He felt the urge to kiss her, but it felt wrong. It felt like it was what was expected, but they had never kissed before. Would she even like it? Would he like it? Why should he do something if he wasn't sure? 

It was as though she read his thoughts, because Luna opened her eyes and glanced up at him. She gave him a soft smile.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked him, "Your heart beat sped up. I felt it on my temple. You seem stressed."

"I-it's nothing," he lied, "Don't worry about it."

She got off of his chest so she was sitting up and facing him directly. She grabbed his hand; it felt nice. He loved when they were connected. 

"You can be honest with me," she told him, "I know something has been bothering you. It has happened every time we have tried to cuddle." 

Draco sighed, and Luna watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. This is where he would normally get up to pace the room, but he forced himself to stay still.

"When do you want to have sex?" He suddenly blurted out. 

It was weird; it was awkward. The _word_ on his tongue even felt forced. Is this how everyone lived? Why was this even expected for a relationship when an emotional and mental connection gave you everything you needed already? His mind was racing with society's expectations. Was their relationship _real_ if they never had sex? _Was it valid?_ He wanted to do it to deepen their connection, because it was what everyone said needed to be done, but why did it still feel so weird?

Luna studied him for a moment, and that is when he noticed it was the first time Luna looked nervous.

"Draco, I-I'm asexual," she told him.

Draco perked his brow, "What is asexual?"

Luna looked shocked, but her look wasn't full of judgment, "It means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. Sometimes I can be if I really love the person, but even then.. I don't really desire sex. I will do it if you really want to and it is important to you.. but _I-_ "

Draco was relieved with this revelation. It was then that he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her head into his neck, and he felt her sigh a sigh of relief.

"You aren't mad?" She mumbled into his shoulder. 

As they broke apart, he smiled, "No," he told her honestly, "I-I just thought we _had_ to have sex.. or that you would want sex.. that's what everyone says is needed in a relationship to be.... _normal._ I just-I didn't know that there were people like me. I thought I had hit the jackpot that you didn't feel like you needed sex already in our relationship... I figured it was just a matter of time.."

Luna smiled, "If you ever want to, I'm open to it.. I just feel no need. I want you to know that, Draco. No matter what you decide, you are normal, and you are _valid_ , and our relationship is **real.** I love you, Draco."

Her right hand cupped his left cheek; her thumb rubbed it gently. Draco closed his eyes at the sensation. All he wanted was to be close to her; that was all he needed. 

"I love you too, Luna," he told her, _"Thank you."_

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very personal one-shot for me to write. Draco's internal dialogue represents a lot of my own thoughts and feelings as I have come to terms with my asexuality over the years. I wanted to write something for pride month that was incredibly personal and could give readers a perspective on an asexual's experience. I hope you enjoyed it. x


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